"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
"One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said."
"Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf... and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf."
"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
"I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."
"These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow."
"Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five."
"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at."
"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball"
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